When you hot "yes" anyway, it makes you and the other person even hotter. The present conversation across social media about rape is an important one but I think it's confusing to a lot of people. The language needs to be less clinical, more "Fuck, yes!!! Somehow all of the reader comments seem to have missed the whole point of the study.
Although I do think we all came here specifically for the study heading. I wrote about my illicit sex encounters and the need to be more vocal because the individual who falsely flagged 'rape' adds fuel to all the issues that you cite surrounding casual sex.
Is it always bad or is it only bad if you do it to please your partner when you yourself don't want it? I have never even dreamed of sex without wanting to please my partner. This really needs to be cleared up. Casual sex is absolutely cool as long as you're into it. It gets difficult if one person isn't sure. I think you misinterpreted my question.
I am not referring to anything other than something that was written in the article. All the rape stuff is irrelevant to me.
I have never even had to ask. I just put on an act like I was having way to much fun and really didn't give a dam about anything and the women pretty much raped me. The author said that casual sex to please yourself is good for you but casual sex to please your partner is bad for you.
I have never even dreamed of having any kind of sex casual or not casual and not wanting to please my partner. Seems pretty silly to me and kind of narcissistic. Maybe I am missing something and think I understand what she means. But then again, I'm not a psychologist. It's not narcissism to enjoy sex yourself. Yes, sex is about pleasing your partner but not at the sacrifice of your own enjoyment. The motivation to please your partner is a tremendously sweet but slightly maligned action.
It is also an indication of someone not sure of their own validity in the world. If you are there to pleasure your partner but have not found pleasure yourself, you should probably ask why this is. Women are not afraid to slowly explore and to play until everyone involved enjoys themselves.
I must say this as a female. When I sense a partner is just trying to please me I soon feel it and then all of my feeling of genuine enjoyment falters. There is nothing sexier than true desire which is a wild abandon. True desire goes beyond the selfish and beyond pleasing because it's just a purity of experience. To be intimate with someone, however casually, is to share a form of freedom - something beyond self and definitions.
Sex isn't about sex, it's about transcending the idea of 'pleasuring' someone as though operating on them and it is beyond selfish. People do it for the rush, the insane oxytocin high. The sheer amazingness of sharing. Forget pleasuring for awhile and feel out what feels good for you.
Surprisingly you'll find that in the awkwardness of 'feeling it out', you won't be the only one enjoying it. No one wants a fanboy. No one should want to be one. Be the real deal by embracing the awkwardness of learning what YOU love. What the article references is if you're having sex to please someone else at the sacrifice of your own desires, whatever they may be.
That is the way I thought she meant it but since she was vague about it. I figured I should ask. Things aren't always as they seem. The insane high you speak of is caused by dopamine.
Dopamine causes a sense of euphoria. The insane high It can also be addictive and dangerous. The effects of dopamine can cause one person to chase the effects for the high it creates. This high will wear off and a person will leave a person in pursuit of another person just to get another hit of dopamine.
The person that is left will in turn suffer the effects of the stress hormone cortisol and has been known to even commit suicide. This insane high can be dangerous. The big picture can truly be very sad. Unless of course someone is a narcissist.
I don't think the study is saying that people only have sex for good or bad reasons. It's saying, among other things, that bad reasons for having sex are linked to lower self-esteem than good reasons. But surely it's still possible for a person to have sex for both a good and a bad reason at the same time. Even a combination like having sex for material benefit and to explore one's sexuality is possible. But, based on the study results, you might improve your self-esteem by only having sex for the "good" reasons.
However, keep in mind that this study can only begin to tell us something about how most people feel about sex, not all people. Perhaps having sex for one of the "bad" reasons doesn't lower your own self-esteem, even though it did for most of the study participants. If you happen to be different from most or even all of the people in this study, that doesn't mean you or the sex you're having is bad. It probably just means you're lucky.
I'd also like to point out for everybody that having sex for material benefit probably wouldn't lower self-esteem so much if it weren't so culturally shamed. I'm no psychologist but what about correlation vs. Like isn't it just as possible that this article be titled: Since this was not an experimental study, you can never claim causation. Because of this, you can establish temporal precedence - i. It's not as good as an experiment, but you're one step closer to causality.
But, and please correct me if I am wrong, there are a multitude of external variables that could cause the degradation in mental health that then impact the participants' sex life between Time 0 and Time 1. This article assumes, between t 0 and t 1: Again, I'm not a psychologist, but the title of this article seems a bit sensationalized, like, "If you have casual sex you will become depressed" - especially given the use of the question format in the title.
It sounds more like something found in a newspaper than a scientific journal. And as a result in information within especially the charts can be misleading - it sounds like the author is trying to imply causality.
For the record, I know this is not a scientific journal. And I know that the answer to the question in the title is "only if you do it for the wrong reasons", not "yes". But even providing any answer to that question is making a lot of assumptions that I believe are overlooked. The title is simple link baiting and it's effective if you consider that this article has more comments on it than most psych today articles. Most studies are problematic in that the parameters are tightly defined and so can't take stock of the incidentals that guarantee to affect outcome but are simply impossible to measure because they aren't controlled.
This is for all studies from addiction to depression to even cancer. In fact, the only read study you can do that's effectively controlled is on a single cell organism. Aaaanyway, no, the study looks at motivation for why you're having casual sex being the important factor in determining how you feel about casual sex. So the casual sex is just incidental. Replace casual sex with how you feel about eating pasta for dinner.
You go in thinking "YES, I fucking love this pasta" or "meh". How you feel about the pasta after you eat it is going to be different dependent on how you felt before and during eating. There's just a little too much emphasis on the sex itself as though this is cause when really, it's reasonably incidental. First, casual sex fractures the Self - sexual contact creates a connection, a piece of the self is given to that other person. People perpetrate these promiscuous patterns due to unmet needs, and sex and casual hook ups are simply an expression of the quest to heal those unmet needs through other people.
I like this post It is very informative post Thanks for sharing this informative post with us So it's impossible that people could experience a combination of the "bad" and "good" reasons at the same time? So what is a person to do, and will they only have a slight mental health problem if they want sex to be fun and also hope that it could be long term? And let's be serious, these two reasons as well as exploration, are the usual motivations for most people seeking sex. I am 70, single man, have not had sex since or 86?
Being rejected my dozens of women - I gave up. I am being treated for anxiety and depression. Everything seems to be motivation based. No motivation is related to low moods, whereas interest in whatever the activity is contributes to our well-being. As long as casual sex is not related to tremendous energy loss, it won't result in mental distress. The question is if the hookup can be considered a mere energy consumption, where one party acts as an energy vampire, whereas the other side suffers from lack of warmth, loneliness, and misunderstanding.
In North America, flirting is not permitted, not even recognized. Oh yeah, it is called sexual harassment. In my last health care facility, where my Family Doctor worked the Conservative Administration did not permit a male patient politely compliment on a lovely doctor or another elegant patient.
On the other hand, if a long time patient noticed some fishy hanky-panky between Supervisors and social workers or secretaries, he was slowly ignored and booted out. New research on how men and women judge each other's sexual history.
New study examines giving v. Back Find a Therapist. Lessons You Won't Learn In School Here are 10 skills that will clarify your visions and bring you closer to your life goals. Why Do We Flirt by Text? Are You a Beautiful Questioner? The Call of the Unknown. New research shows that the reasons you do it make all the difference.
Submitted by Anonymous on February 21, - 1: Being raped is bad for one's mental health? However, Submitted by Zhana Vrangalova Ph. If you're too drunk too Submitted by Anonymous on February 21, - 3: Do all women everywhere suffer from debilitating low self-esteem which results in this PT-labeled bad behavior? Or is there more to the story. But let's put all this aside for the moment. Is the purpose of sex only to achieve orgasm?
I'd say absolutely not. Sex often comes with a component of intimacy, discussion, vulnerability and connection. Short term sex will almost always have these components, and most people benefit from all of them.
This is why people probably have short term sexual encounters. Before, during and after sex, sex partners get to create a temporary connection that may make them feel friendly, sexy and human. On another note, no writer on Psychology Today has ever been concerned about whether short-term sexual relationships are bad for men. Apparently, short term sexual relationships with men are an approved activity.
However, the math doesn't work out. IFf hook-ups are bad for women yet good for men and everybody listened to Psychology Today, then there would be a gross partner imbalance. Nobody calls out men who have hook-ups by telling them that nobody will want to marry the town bike, they must have had terrible childhoods or that they have low self-esteem. So why do these get laid on women? Here's my 2c worth:. Women have probably always enjoyed casual sex. But pre-Pill, there was the risk of getting pregnant.
Then the pill came along and were women allowed to enjoy hook-ups? Of course not, there was societal disapproval, the risk of getting a 'reputation'. Then came AIDS so again, women, back in your box. Now with the advent of the internet and hook-ups being so easy and not quite so stigmatised as previously, how are we going to fix those uppity women?
Why, 'studies have proven XXX' of course! By which they mean they interviewed a bunch of college students and asked ambiguous questions. I'm just waiting for the day where 'studies have proven' women's casual sex can be linked to cancer, Alzheimer's and climate change. I thought the article was pretty close to the heart of the matter. Biologically and psychologically, women and men want and desire sex just the same I have met many that wanted it a lot more than me.
But depending on how 'bad' the culture declares female hook ups to be, the displayed behaviour is different - it is basically just brainwashing women conform to for fear of being labeled whereas men hardly ever are, so can display pteferences and interest a lot more openly. All female comments confirming some inherent difference between the sexes are only there to earn them moral browny points even if they believe it to be true - women just are better at self and external deception than men.
Back Find a Therapist. Lessons You Won't Learn In School Here are 10 skills that will clarify your visions and bring you closer to your life goals. Why Do We Flirt by Text?
Are You a Beautiful Questioner? The Call of the Unknown. Follow me on Twitter. Friend me on Faceook. Connect with me on LinkedIn. Do Women Like Casual Sex? Liking casual sex and wanting it can be two different things.
Nobody calls out men Submitted by Winslow Arizona on December 31, - 7: Here's my 2c worth:.
The title of the india. The question reminds me of one that my friends and I would often discuss when we were fifteen: Do women like sex at all? Dr Meana notes in a recent review article that for many women feeling sexy is not necessarily associated with a desire to have sex at all.
When does feeling sexy lead to a desire to have sex? Of course, that depends. But as my friends and I discovered at fifteen, it seems to depend on a lot more things for women than for men. In order to make desire conscious, a host of factors must be met simultaneously.
This makes a certain intuitive sense. The same goes, I'm sure, for casual sex. Do women like it? I'm sure many do, or would. But do they want it? That surely depends on many things.
As I argued in Mass Erotic Choice , it's to some extent influenced by what their friends are doing. Is the current "hookup culture" good for women? Is it good for sex? The best sex, like the most orgasmic sex, usually happens with a partner whom one knows well. Is a hookup ordinarily the best way for a young person to spend a Saturday night?
Again, I doubt it. But I guess it might depend on what the alternatives are. Psychology Today loves to study what they call "hook-ups" and their effect on women. Because Psychology Today is a patriarchal entity that likes to push marriage and relationships, the conclusion of every Psychology Today blogger will always be that short term sexual relationships are very bad for women.
But women keep having short term sexual relationships, so if it was so bad then why do women keep doing it? Do all women everywhere suffer from debilitating low self-esteem which results in this PT-labeled bad behavior? Or is there more to the story. But let's put all this aside for the moment. Is the purpose of sex only to achieve orgasm? I'd say absolutely not.
Sex often comes with a component of intimacy, discussion, vulnerability and connection. Short term sex will almost always have these components, and most people benefit from all of them. This is why people probably have short term sexual encounters.
Before, during and after sex, sex partners get to create a temporary connection that may make them feel friendly, sexy and human. On another note, no writer on Psychology Today has ever been concerned about whether short-term sexual relationships are bad for men. Apparently, short term sexual relationships with men are an approved activity. However, the math doesn't work out.
IFf hook-ups are bad for women yet good for men and everybody listened to Psychology Today, then there would be a gross partner imbalance. Nobody calls out men who have hook-ups by telling them that nobody will want to marry the town bike, they must have had terrible childhoods or that they have low self-esteem.
So why do these get laid on women? Here's my 2c worth:. Women have probably always enjoyed casual sex. A woman can have the strength to stand up for herself when she feels uncomfortable, and how much sex she has, has nothing to do with this. They have daddy issues.
Not all women who have casual sex have daddy issues. They have mommy issues. Along with daddy issues, people often wonder what kind of a relationship a woman has with her mother when she is having sex with whoever she wants.
They are incapable of settling down or wanting to. It is a common assumption that if a woman likes to sleep around she will never want to get married or start a family. They grow and learn and mature. Women who like to have casual sex may not want to do it for the rest of their lives, and are probably learning that along the way. Writer based in the Philadelphia area. Person who really loves her dog and watching cooking shows. Check out my writing on Thought Catalog and follow me on Facebook!
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BACKPAGE ESCOT SELECT ESCORTSHave An Affair In Vancouver. Replies to my comment. New research has some surprises. Oh, and also for posting pictures of your genitals and telling the world that you're a "bottom. But, based on the study results, you might improve your self-esteem by only having sex for the "good" reasons.
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|Casual sex wa esorts||Now that the kids are gone, parents are gone it is just me. I'm just saying that sometimes no-strings-attached sex is a good reminder of how good you can feel, especially after a breakup. There are exceptions Submitted by Anonymous on October 30, - 3: They have no self-respect. I consciously and deliberately flirted and casually dated. No one is here for my management vocabulary -- don't worry, I know that, casual sex wa esorts. But depending on how 'bad' jobs encounters dating website culture declares female hook ups to be, the displayed behaviour is different - it is basically just brainwashing women conform to for fear of being labeled whereas men hardly ever are, so can display pteferences and interest a lot more openly.|
|WEST BROTHELS ADULT SERVICES CLASSIFIED VICTORIA||However, keep in mind that this study can only begin to tell us something about how most people feel about sex, not all people. I think most fuck zone angst comes from incompatible expectations. Particularly, the question of mental health. They will cheat on you. Really just a matter of whichever one gives out .|